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Drumpfster Fire Daily Chaos/Archive/2017/January 2017
Meaningless Displays of Power or Just Plain Evil or Stupid Shit # Trump gives all current ambassadors and their families 2 weeks to GTFO # WTF: Trump orders the resignation of the commanding officer of the Washington DC National Guard. Holy Shiat: In the middle of the inauguration ceremony ## Major General Errol Schwartz isn't being fired, he tendered his resignation as is protocol, and the timing is his choice: The Trump administration asked him to stay on a few more days to smooth the transition, and he refused # Guess who tweeted that John Lewis is all talk and no action days before Martin Luther King day? ## Donald Trump's criticism of John Lewis results in tremendous book sales. For Lewis's memoirs ## It is considered an honor to be invited to Selma with John Lewis; he has taken members of both parties with him over the years. But Lewis said one person he will never ask to join him is Donald Trump # Donald Trump has revealed his plans for his first two days in office - To do absolutely nothing # In light of his lack of creativity and humanity, Trump will be eliminating the National Endowments for both Art and the Humanities # Trump's bizarre Inaugural speechwriting photo: Taken at a Mar-A-Lago concierge's desk, while holding a Sharpie and a blank pad of paper while looking like a petulant child ## Internet has fun with Trump's inaugural speech writing photo which appears to be Trump posing in front of a pile of blank paper taken at his secretary's desk. It does appear to be the closest that Trump has ever gotten to writing something Executive Meaningless Displays of Power or Just Plain Evil or Stupid Shit * January, 2017 Meglomania, Jingoism # In his second act as President, Trump issues proclamation for a "National Day of Patriotism". No word on if synchronized goose-stepping will be part of the festivities or not # Donald Trump has just declared January 20th, 2017 "National Day of Patriotic Devotion". Other possible names include "Trumpoween", "TrumpsGiving" "Trumptoberfest" "Trumpsmas" "Donaldpalooza" # Trump tells reporters that he's a "very big person" on the environment and that he has "received awards" on the environment # Donald Trump's Patriot Day proclamation proves that he's the Chuck Tingle of Patriot Porn # President Donald Trump still uses his unsecured Android cell phone. But he's not calling any private e-mail servers with it so we're all good # "It's very scary to have the nuclear launch codes, but if the time comes, I'll do the right thing," vows President Trump in the most terrifying presidential interview and headline you'll see this week # Republican Chuck Grassley reduced to begging President Trump on Twitter to issue an executive order so they can get on with oversight # A change of rules at Voice of America will turn it into Trump's personal propaganda machine to the world - and now to the U.S. (at a cost of $800M annually to U.S. taxpayers) # Trump to federal agencies: YOU WILL BOW TO ME NOW Said agencies: Ummm, how about no ## USDA tells its employees to GBTW and ignore President Trump, who is clearly an idiot ## Donald's foolish demonization of Federal workers # Trump wants you to know he totally fired those quitters first # In his first interview with the mainstream media, President Trump reveals that he believes his rambling, almost incoherent, CIA address was "one of the great speeches" because Fox said so. Also knows he's handsome and smart cause his Mom told him so # Remember Trump's big day forever with this beautiful commemorative plate # President Donald Trump is going to publish a list of crimes committed by immigrants for public display. The Nazi paper 'The Criminal Jew,' did the same, publishing photos of Jews who had committed crimes # President Emotional Problems absolutely had his hand photo-shopped to look bigger to hang it in the white house ## White House photoshopping images of President Trump to make his hands look bigger. No, seriously (w/proof). Update: Fake News ## WaPo pounces on fake news story about official photos being photoshopped to give the current president bigger hands. It's nice to know that WaPo is there to aggressively debunk such stories when absolutely nothing is at stake # And so it begins (warning: weapons-grade derp) # The Old State Department Library now has a total of five different books in it, plus a few duplicates. Guess who they are all by or about.. Subby will be off in the corner trying to drink it all away # Trump filed for re-election 5 hours after inauguration, here's why that matters # White House issues official response to the chaos and outrage caused by their travel ban: "We apologize for nothing" # Nothing to see here. Just a huge military convoy flying a Trump flag that no one seems to know about # President Trump finally gives reason for the GOP to go ahead with impeachment proceedings # Good news everyone Trump has fixed the F-35 and now it's a 'Great plane' and he's knocked off $600M off the sticker price. Tremendous negotiation skills at work. Well, that and the already planned for price reduction was designed into the contract Trophy Wife's "Let them eat cake" Moment(s) # Subtlety is for little people # We're in the midst of the biggest humanitarian crisis since World War II, so First Lady Ivanka Trump wants everyone to know she looks good for her date night Government Websites # One hour after inauguration Whitehouse websites for climate change, discrimination, and civil rights disappear # So Team Trump didn't scrub all references to climate change, the Affordable Care Act, and disability rights from the White House website because of their Neanderthal ideology so much as their rank incompetence # Spicer says, don't worry, we'll have a separate-but-equal Spanish language Blanco Casa website up soon # Petition on Whitehouse.gov calling for Trump to release his tax returns has 250,000 signatures. That means he's got to release them, right? # Trump lets those freeloading veterans know they aren't welcome in his swamp # Badlands National Park Twitter account goes rogue, starts tweeting scientific facts about climate change in defiance of President Trump # White House takes down all Spanish language content from new WhiteHouse.gov website. Spanish will return to the site when they find someone who can translate all the alternate facts # EPA site to be scrubbed clean of climate # Official Death Valley National Park feed now rogue, posting about Japanese internment camps. This is in addition to resistance from Badlands and @AltNatParkSer ## Remember that "rogue National Park Service" twitter? Yeah, about that # Social media postings from the official US Department of Defense accounts sometimes provide an important window into a person's #mentalhealth. Know what to look for # NASA has decided to make all the scientific research it funds absolutely free and available online. I wonder what brought this on. Hmm, I guess We'll never know # That website the Depart of Labor set up to help Wells Fargo whistle-blowers come forward and shield them from retaliation? Yeah that too went "page not found" sometime after noon last Friday # Administration removes Judicial Branch as part of the government on White House site. I'm sure this is just an oversight ACA # If you live in a red state, you may have already lost your health insurance. File a claim and see what happens # ACA will be allowed to wither and die much like the Americans that need it # Kellyanne Conway says Trump's plan to replace Obamacare involves turn Medicaid into a block grant program that States can run as they see fit. Or, as an"alternative fact", poor people are about to be screwed six ways to Sunday # Remember when conservatives were apoplectic over Obama not enforcing the law? # The county that had one of the highest percentage of Trump voters is also a county with one of the highest percentage of Obamacare users, but only because "the black bomb" "put a gun to their heads" to buy it # Red states that received Medicaid expansion have a more favorable view of the Affordable Care Act than those that don't have said expansion Inaugural crowd size, or lack thereof # 'It looked like a million': Trump whines the media is lying that his inauguration crowd was small # "The President has a large penis. While there is no way to measure everyone's penis size, the President has the biggest penis in history" # 'Baghdad Sean': Internet rips Trump press secretary for lie that inauguration crowd was 'largest ever' # Fox News says Trump and Spicer are wrong about inauguration crowd size. FOX NEWS. But some guy lied about the removal of the MLK bust, so there # The New York Times plays with the idea of showing it has a spine # The new rhetorical frame for all the lies we're going to be subjected to by the White House is "alternative facts." Bonus quote: "There's no way to really quantify crowds" because apparently Kellyanne Conway has never heard of numbers # Secret Service slaps down White House claim that 'magnetometers' shrank inaugural crowd size # 1. Argue with media over crowd size 2. Double down when shown facts 3. ???? 4. Hang inauguration photo in the press hall # You're not going to believe this, but someone called the Head of the National Parks Service to make pictures of the inauguration look yuge CIA Address # And NPR's balls grew three sizes that day # Former CIA director can't believe what a childish speech Trump gave in front of the CIA. Guess he hadn't been watching Trump for the last year or so # Transcript of Trump's speech to the CIA. Don't miss the scariest part: In Trump's mind, the law enforcement, military, and intelligence communities are all the same thing ## Remember the cheering CIA agents at Trump's speech? Turns out they're as authentic as the 'fans' who jump into the ring to answer wrestlers' challenges on WWE Raw ## About that CIA standing ovation Protesters at Inaugural # Most of the 230 rioters arrested in Washington D.C. following Donald Trump's inauguration will be charged with felony rioting, which carries a punishment of up to 10 years in jail and $25k fine # A half-dozen reporters have been arrested and hit with felony riot charges (possible 10 years, $25,000) for filming the unrest during Trump's inauguration # Trump's unpresidented meltdown proves protest works Inaugural Cake # Cakeghazi ## The cake was not only plagiarism, it was also a lie "Cost cutting" measures # Federal Hiring Freeze in play # Trans-Pacific Partnership withdrawal to be President Trump's first executive action Monday. Right after he mocks some libs on Twitter of course ## You may want to sit down for this, but apparently Trump's cunning plan to back out of TPP may not kill it, but it will definitely ensure America doesn't even get a voice at the table # CDC Vaccinates Itself # Good news everyone Trump has fixed the F-35 and now it's a 'Great plane' and he's knocked off $600M off the sticker price. Tremendous negotiation skills at work. Well, that and the already planned for price reduction was designed into the contract Fiddling with regulations # Trump says he's getting ready to cut 75% of government regulations, maybe more # Since Trump doesn't believe in climate change, he's gone and frozen EPA funding # Trump makes good his promise to the spacing guild. The Oil must flow # Trump plans to begin laying pipe as soon as possible # Under the new administration, all USDA findings must not reported to the public until further notice. Tweets included # Drew now required to delete two headlines for every new one that's greenlit. What could possibly go wrong? Gagging government employees # EPA employees banned from social media, talking to the press. Yeah, like the press won't catch wind of this # Stop asking "what happened to the agency news feed?", citizen # EPA site to be scrubbed clean of climate # All EPA scientific studies must now be vetted by a political officer. This is fine Economic Sanctions against Russia # "Yesterday was the trial balloon for a coup d'état against the United States. It gave them useful information" # After years of searching, John McCain finally finds his maverick spine and tells President Grubby Hands that he'll lift Russia's sanctions over his dead body Muslim ban # Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free (offer not valid in countries where I don't own luxury properties) # Look, Trump IS proving to be a unifier. For ISIS recruiting ## After massive protests, international condemnation, and getting knocked down by the courts, Trump decides the best thing to do is ... double down, of course. What, you were expecting a rational reaction? ## Steve Bannon personally overruled DHS decision not to include green card holders in travel ban, overruling lawyers and other people who understand things like The Constitution and laws and human rights # "He came to me and asked me how to do it legally," boasts Rudy Giuliani, who says he spent around 9 or 11 minutes telling Trump the proper way to ban Muslims # White House issues official response to the chaos and outrage caused by their travel ban: "We apologize for nothing" # Trump issues statement saying religious ban on Muslims is "not about religion" # The Department of Homeland Security orders those with Green Cards be allowed to enter the U.S. # Trump blames Delta and protestors for the confusion around refugees detained at airports # "Trump's base couldn't care less about the immigration ban uproar" # A definitive guide to the Republicans who support and oppose Trump's Muslim ban # State Department going rogue, activating Dissent Channel over Trump's immigration order ## 'Lots of bad dudes, hombres... whatevers. Very threaten, much scared, so sad.' # Donald Trump has no idea how terrifying lawyers working for free, a blue book and a Lexis password can be. He's about to find out # UN says refugee ban is mean-spirited and illegal under human rights law, will send strongly worded letter Trump won't read # Former president to current president: That's not how you president, you chucklef*ck ## Barack Obama responds to Trump's claims that the Muslim ban is just an extension of Obama's own policies: "Get the fark out of here with those miniature hands, Cheeto" # The person responsible for sacking the people ordering immigrants to be detained has been sacked ## It turns out several soon-to-be fired Congressional and Senatorial staffers worked on drafts of the White House's immigration order- without bothering to give their bosses or senior leadership so much as a head's up # Trump gets rid of head lice. Seems like a good idea. Wait, Head of ICE. He fired the head of the ICE, as the Monday Night Massacre continues # You know that talking point that Trump's ban is much less than the ban by Obama in 2011? Well it only gets Three Pinocchios when fact checked. Alternative facts strike again # Think of it this way: Scholars say there are so many legal challenges to Trump's executive order on immigration that he'll be long dead before they're answered # Because of Trump's executive order on immigration, some NBA and MLB players will have to remain in the US when playing the Toronto Raptors or Toronto Blue Jays # "No one since 9/11 has been killed in the United States in a terrorist attack by anyone who emigrated from or whose parents emigrated from Syria, Iraq, Iran, Libya, Somalia, Sudan or Yemen" # The weekend wail, is the "Muslim ban" of the Trump campaign. But how so, when not one of the six largest Muslim countries -- Indonesia, India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Egypt, Turkey -- was on the list? ## Trump's immigration ban will not apply to Muslim countries where he has businesses # Trump's Muslim ban will spend months in the courts before it is determined whether or not freedom of movement applies to all--or just some. Forget 1984; we're becoming Animal Farm. White Christians good, Brown everything bad # President Trump's immigration "Muslim Ban" is a complete clusterf*ck for him (and us). But not for the reasons you might think # The Leopards Eating People's Faces Party strikes again # DHS : Hey, we were just messing around with those 872 refugees we stopped at the airport, cuffed, and jailed over the weekend. We've decided we're gonna let them in anyway. So we're cool now, right? # Trump immigrant temporary ban might become a permaban, and deportations might include "even those who have not been charged but are believed to have committed acts that constitute a chargeable criminal offense.". Precog hirings in 3..2 # ISIS is thrilled with Donnie's immigration ban mostly because none of those seven countries banned ever sent a terrorist to the U.S. and it means that Trump is as dumb as they say # Yazidi Woman on ISIS "most wanted list" because she mobilized the world to defend her people from ISIS' attempted genocide, may not be able to go to the US to accept an award because the Trump Administration collectively lacks 1/100th of her courage Threatening future home of Obama Presidential Library # President Trump says that if Chicago doesn't get its shiat together, he is going to "send in the feds." Or release the dogs. Or the bees. Or the dogs with bees in their mouths, so when they open their mouths, they shoot bees at you ## Pussy Comitatus Global Gag Rule # "Mexico City" abortion ban that has nothing to do with Mexico City and was signed by Reagan, rescinded by Clinton, re-reinstated by Bush then re-rescinded by Obama has been re-re-reinstated by Trump in this year's Wimbledon Abortion Championship # After Trump reinstates the Mexico City Policy, the Dutch government proposes international fund to give women in developing countries access to family planning education and services. Rare dutch trifecta in play Sanctuary cities # NYC Mayor De Blasio tells Trump NYC will see him in court over his executive order threatening to strip federal funding from "sanctuary cities" ## Miami becomes the first Sanctuary City to topple as Mayor Carlos Gimenez orders jails to comply with Trump's immigration crackdown Voting Laws # President Trump announces plans to (inadvertently) kill the Voter ID laws in every state by disproving in-person voter fraud with "Unpresidented Bigly Huge Voter Fraud Investigation" # Our Courageous Senate Majority Leader responds to Trump's lie on election fraud: "It does occur, There are always arguments on both sides about how much, how frequent and all the rest. ... The notion that election fraud is a fiction is not true" # The reason Trump is so sure of voter fraud? He has it from the best sources that it occurs ## The whole millions of illegal aliens fixation Trump has comes from a story that a German golfer supposedly told where he couldn't vote in Florida and was surrounded by illegal voters. Except that golfer didn't tell the story and is not a voter ## Bernhard Langer didn't tell Trump the story about the "illegals". Trump's evidence for widespread fraud was from a story that a friend told Langer, who told it to another friend, who got it to Trump. Telephone, libs ## The source of Trump's 3 million illegal votes figure is some guy that made a voting fraud app. And owes $100k in backtaxes. And funneled state contracts to businesses he had ties to. In two state governments # President Trump is about to destroy the P.C. thought police who say interest in valid elections is racist and that claims of fraud are nuts ## Trump was wrong when he said millions of illegals voted for Hillary. It turns out only 800,000 did. Oh, and it may have flipped some states for Hillary # Today in concern trolling, Nancy Pelosi's thoughts and prayers are with President Trump Torture # Trump poised to sign executive order making it perfectly legal for him to 'disappear' people in CIA black-ops prisons, and do so without any oversight, due process, or international Red Cross monitoring. Be careful what you post here, comrades # John McCain will fight Trump on torture. But nothing else, of course # The FBI, the American Psychological Association, and even the CIA say that torture does not work as a method of extracting useble information. But we're about to start toturing people again because Trump "absolutely believes" it works # Torture works; it's great. Everybody loves torture. We're going to be the #1 exporter of torture. It's going to be great, and Mexico's going to pay for it # Trump's appointed Secretary of Defense and CIA Director blindsided by draft of executive order requiring the CIA to revisit using torture. I don't blame them, there are only so many tweets one can keep track off # President who considered sleeping around in the 1970s to be his own personal Vietnam does not believe that water boarding constitutes torture Scientists' protest # Grab your lab coat: scientists are planning a March on DC ## Scientists yesterday: We need to march on Washington. Scientists today: fark it, let's run for office Juggalo protest # First, Donald Trump awoke the fury of women, who marched on DC. Then he angered scientists enough to organize their own March. But now...now...he has awoken the fury of the Juggalos The Bigly Wall of Trump, The Best, Believe Me # So it looks like that Trump won't be meeting with the President of Mexico... Ever ## TRUMP: Pay for the wall, or cancel your visit to the White House. NIETO: Well... bye # Five problems with building the Great Wall of Trump. Conspicuously absent: how to get Mexico to pay for it # Trump's policies will probably wreck the economy of Mexico ## Trump considers 20% tax on imports from Mexico to pay for the Wall because what do you mean NAFTA would prevent this ## Bullshiat Spice walks back on the Wall Tax ## Donald Trump and his media-facing flapping heads don't actually understand how the border adjustment tax they are advocating actually functions which is why everyone freaks out when they talk about it ## Guacamole could be getting 20% more expensive. Thanks, Trump # Trump's wall will eliminate the reign of terror under which Mexico's honest citizens have lived for a long time # Baba Yaga ascendant and minority hater Ann Coulter says taxpayers should fund the Great Wall of Intolerance as the cost is "roughly equal to therapy and hospital bills for girls raped by illegals." Last one out, turn off the lights # Now Israel and Mexico have fired their first volleys in the great Twitter war of 2017 The Federal "Budget" # Donald Trump: "A balanced budget is no longer important to me." Hey, remember those guys who only cared about the budget? You know, the ones who spent 8 years protesting Obama? What were their names? T-something. Damn, it's on the tip of my tongue Secret and Alternative Plans to Defeat Islamic State # Trump's secretary of Defense's plan: Do everything we ridiculed Obama for Infrastructure # Candidate Trump: "We will spend a trillion dollars to fix up our infrastructure." Democrats: "Great, here's a plan on how to do that." President Trump: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, was I talking to *you* people? I don't think so" Dodd-Frank # Dodd-Frank is now in the sights of the Golden Cheeto. Between his Goldman Sachs cabinet and this, seems when he was on the campaign trail saying Wall Street would hate him he meant they'd hate all the bigly winning